(above) The flowers in our village and here in Ukarumpa lure a multitude of butterflies so I rarely go a day without seeing several. Each time I see one, it is a reminder to me of God’s love for me and of his transforming grace. They often appear at times when I need encouragement the most, or when the daily grind of the mundane has me teetering on the ledge of self pity…
Periodically, I encounter the “what if’s.”
- There’s a decision we need to make about our near future. What if we make the wrong decision?
- Ben and I are leaving for the weekend. What if one of our children needs a medevac while we are gone? What if the little ones end up being a lot to handle for their aunties who have kindly offered to look after them?
- Our son is researching colleges and universities. What if we don’t know how to best help him with this process?
- There are often concerns in the missionary community where we live. What if the truth gets minimized or buried?
- We encounter needs and important tasks for our our project and family life: what if we can’t handle it and end up burned out again?
These are just a few of questions swirling around (incidentally, it actually helps to get them out of my head an write them down because some of them I wasn’t even aware of until just now!)
This morning, I fed my soul with God’s Word. Comfort and direction come without fail. Here’s what I read today:
Easy come, easy go, but steady diligence pays off. Proverbs 13: 11 (The Message)
My coffee is cold, vegetables waiting to be soaked, bread dough is unmade….but I can’t give up.
I read Acts 22-23 as well as all of Proverbs 13 and once again felt encouraged by the presence of the Holy Spirit. I may not hear an audible voice as the Apostle Paul did at times, but I do receive clear direction from the Word and from the Voice speaking to my heart. I’ve come to rely on it, so much that it’s easy to discern it from my own thoughts.
But here’s the difficulty. I know I need Quiet to hear. I know I need Solitude. Yet, as a missionary, mom of five, and wife to Ben, I feel like I can barely remember to brush my hair sometimes, much less sit down with my Bible. The crazy seems to be hiding in the next room and being quiet is often a luxury I don’t give myself. I’ve come to realize, however, that spiritual food is as necessary to me as physical food. My awareness of God in everything and worship is also as necessary as me being conscious of my ‘to do’ list.
That night the Master appeared to Paul: ‘It’s going to be all right. Everything is going to turn out for the best.’ Acts 23:11 (The Message)
….to me, the Master says, “I’ve got this.”