Twins: the best and hardest two years of my life!

by mendibpng

The past two and a half years have been the best and hardest in my life. When Jacob and Jenny Beth joined our family, there were times when I thought I was going to die of exhaustion. I remember being afraid to go to bed at night knowing that one of them would wake up shortly for a feeding. I struggled with fears about continuing to live cross culturally and taking care of five children at the same time. Could we really return to PNG and live in a village??? Was I going to fall apart once we got there?

Other twin parents comforted me by saying that these two little ones wouldn’t be little forever. And they were right!! At the time it seemed like forever stretched out in front of me…but here we are, 2 ½ years into this journey and I’M STILL ALIVE!

I’ve been thinking about our twins recently as I have learned about a friend who is expecting five babies. FIVE. I thought having two at once was difficult. My heart just goes out to her!

So here is why having the twins has made these last two years the BEST in my life:

1) I’ve had to work on being less codependent with everybody I know and more careful about caregiving with friends in a healthy way. If I am falling apart, I can’t take care of the family God has entrusted me with. It makes Ben’s life difficult if I get so wrapped up in other people’s problems that I can’t function. I am still learning about this and constantly working on balance.

2) My older kids have become more compassionate and sensitive to other people’s needs since having two little siblings to love. Yesterday Jacob broke a glass window pane, cutting his fingers, and both of the older boys rushed to his side to comfort him before I could get there.

3) Ben and I have had to work together more just to survive. I saw myself as a pretty independent person before Jacob and Jenny Beth came along. I didn’t like to ask for help—I liked being the one giving it. But suddenly, I couldn’t do it all. I have learned to depend on Ben much more these past few years, and he has come through for me! Sometimes I start to wonder if I rely on him too much for emotional support and he assures me that this is healthy for a marriage. He should be the one I can confess anything to. I love that guy more now than I did before. J

4) I’ve had to rely on God as my shelter more. Sometimes when I think about each of my five kids, I wonder if I am enough. But then I realize I don’t have to be. That’s God’s work.

Lately the two year old tantrums have been exhausting, and even more so this week since Ben is gone—I think they miss him and don’t know how to articulate it. I’m adjusting to new stages my kids are moving through and praying for wisdom for Ben and I in our parenting (next year our oldest will officially be a teenager!!!) My prayer is that God will help me love them well and stay sane in the process.


2 Comments to “Twins: the best and hardest two years of my life!”

  1. Thanks so much for this testimony Amanda!

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