my struggles with weight loss and stress eating

In the midst of packing for the village and getting ready to go to Australia, I thought I’d do a little navel gazing about one of my favorite topics: food!

I spend a great deal of time thinking about, preparing and eating food. Because we live in a country where we can’t eat out or buy much pre-packaged food, I find myself working hard to make things from scratch. It activates the creative itch I have and it settles a basic need for me to feed my family of seven. I usually don’t know what I am going to cook until the day of because I have to have an urge to cook something before I can make myself do it. I usually try out at least one or two new recipes a week just to keep things interesting. I also make large portions of food because my kids are eating more as they get bigger.

I grew up in Indonesia and Malaysia, where flavorful food is plentiful and delightful. In my years here in PNG, I’ve worked on learning to cook my favorite dishes and it makes me feel a teeny bit less homesick for those faraway lands.

One of the consequences of loving to cook and eat is gaining weight (sigh) Before I had children, it seemed like I could eat anything I wanted and the pounds never added up. I added weight with every child and the pounds are a lot harder than I ever thought to lose! I would do it all again, though, for the chance to be a mom to my beloved children.

With missionary life comes a share of transition, culture stress and just general living stress (these are topics which I seem to cycle back to regularly on this blog). I often find myself stress eating…a little chocolate here, a few bites of leftovers there and voila! I’m back where I started. I think cold weather also makes me want to eat more, since when I am in our hot village sweating profusely I hardly wish to eat at all. Ukarumpa is located in the highlands so we have chilly nights…which means I want my comfort food!

One of the things I have appreciated over the past year is encouragement from my friend Kristen, who is a successful Weight Watcher. I tried doing South Beach but got fed up trying to figure out how to do that here with the lack of ingredients. With Weight Watchers, I learned that I could eat vegetarian food for a lot less points AND not go hungry. Also since coming back from furlough, the price of groceries has gone up and so losing weight and keeping my store bills down has led me to work on increasing vegetarian foods in our diet. I found that not only is it serving those purposes but I’ve also felt better physically since doing this. We still have meat but in smaller portions and I limit my carb intake. Additionally, I’ve been working hard to get myself to the market at 6:30 am several times a week so that we have plenty of fresh fruits and veggies…veggies are free on WW.

So far I haven’t lost much weight because I need to start exercising. But, one step at a time, right?

A great place to grow up…

Day 2: I love raising my kids in Papua New Guinea!

Jacob ‘talking’ with an Arop boy. No toys needed for fun with friends. Just dirt and rocks.

Jenny Beth watching a lady fill up her water jug outside our house. The twins love watching ducks, dogs and chickens go by as well.

Ellie playing with friends in the village.

When the Arop kids get together to play a game, Josiah and Noah often join in. This particular game was frustrating because the girls kept winning!

Josiah joined us in the village after spending one week in a children’s home (hostel) in Ukarumpa. Having him there enabled us to make it to the translation workshop in time.

When asked why they like living in Papua New Guinea, Noah said, “here you don’t have to wear shoes all the time.” Josiah added, “I don’t get to stay in a hostel in the U.S.” Both boys commented that they like living close to the majority of their friends (although they miss the friends they made while on furlough.) For my part, I am thankful for the simplicity of life here. Much of the time, our kids are out of doors. They are also really good travellers, going to and from our village to our mission community. Sometimes they have to wait 2-4 hours at an airstrip or in a town, waiting for a car without any entertainment but themselves. In addition, I love watching them with their missionary aunts and uncles and am grateful for the input these adults have in their lives. I think they are starting to develop good strategies for handling transition and relating to people of other cultures. Although “home” is a hard concept for a lot of MKs (missionary kids) I think our kids would agree that Papua New Guinea is where they are deeply rooted and they love it here.

Come and be satisfied…

Another day has passed with Ben gone. I don’t usually write this many posts in a week, but the writing seems to be cathartic for me as I deal with transition to being a single parent for a little while during Josiah’s medical trip to Cairns.

I wrote to our missionary women’s e-mail list serve asking for advice about how to cope with a spouse’s unexpected absence. I loved the contrasting advice of “don’t try to do too much” (ie keep things easy on yourself) and “make sure you get out when you need to.” (These are my words, I hope I have done the e-mails justice!) I think the balance of these two things has happened pretty well as I kept this advice in my mind the last few days. Today, the kids and I watched movies, ate doughnuts, visited with friends, and went on an extremely fun outing to a place where everybody could ride their bikes and run around safely (aka to me now as TODDLER HEAVEN). We also went to a potluck block party tonight. I had anticipated that I would find it stressful to bring the twins, but it turned out to be a refreshing chance to get to know those who live near me.

Other members also wrote to the e-mail list serve about keeping thoughts on God.  I must admit here that the thought of Ben leaving me in Papua New Guinea with our four youngest children was terrifying, and I felt more alone than in all of my missionary career thus far. The night before he left, I listened to Matt Maher’s CD. If you ever get the chance to hear “Sing Over Your Children,” it’s worth the couple of minutes.

The phrase that jumped out at me that first night when I was grieving the absence of my husband and missing my family back in the U.S. was, “come and be satisfied.” I wrote those words down and started thinking about the times when Jesus said “come to me!” in the New Testament. I’m no Bible scholar like Ben, but I can think of at least 3-4 instances where Jesus said it, particularly the verse that I have heard my whole life, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” All He wants is for me come to Him. There are a lot of times when I look to my husband to fill up that place that only God can satisfy. I think Ben is willing to do what he can humanly to care for me, but ultimately it’s Jesus who can fill that deep void. I am still missing my husband since I like having him around! But it’s an opportunity to let God quiet the storm and satisfy me.

I am going to include the words here because I can stop writing this post…these words say it all for me.

 Sing Over Your Children
(Matt Maher)

 I flirt with the world
It steals my love for You
My fear grips my faith
And I am left unmoved
Your gaze stops my heart
Your voice fills the dark
Your love is the spark that lights this life
So we rise

Out of the depths you cry,
“Come and be satisfied”
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

You quiet the storm
Inside my shipwrecked soul
Your spirit will lead
It calls the wayward home

At the sound of Your name
Our sin is washed away
In Christ we’re crucified
In You we die, in You we rise

Out of the depths you cry
“Come and be satisfied”
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

And we’re singing along
Your daughters and sons
We’re singing Your song
We are Your children

Out of the depths you cry
“Come and be satisfied”
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children
Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Puzzles and perspective

Having older kids around to help with the babies is a joy and blessing...

Sometimes I feel like my brain is made up of tiny puzzle pieces. Before I had kids, everything fit together (for the most part) and I knew from day to day where I was going.  But more and more, especially now that I have the twins, I am finding that a piece of the whole picture gets lost here and there.  Once in a while, I (together with Ben) find a piece and put it back, or find a new piece or creative solution to a new problem or discipline issue with one of the kids. Many years ago, one person told me

slowing down…

This was what the car looked like loaded down with our family's cargo for a four week village stay. Ben and the big kids sat in the bed of the truck while the babies and I sat up front with the driver!

You may see me writing on transition a lot—that is because we deal with it on a constant (if not daily!) basis…

So these past few weeks we made preparations to go to the village. I went through spreadsheets and decided how much rice/sugar/dehydrated veggies, fruit and meat I needed. This last week I had a few panicky moments, thinking “did I buy enough oatmeal?” or “did I dehydrate enough carrots?” for instance. After sitting down once again with my lists and comparing everything, I had finally satisfied myself that we would have enough to eat for the next five weeks. This week my shoulder and neck froze up and a friend of mine here suggested it might be because of the stress…and I think she might be right. Getting ready for the village is a big task. We take everything we need for the stay because there are no stores or ways to get supplies if we forget anything. Occasionally we leave something behind but it would be terrible to run out of Toilet Paper for instance!

Last night, my husband Ben and our teammate John decided that our family should not go out to the village next week. This is due to the fact that we don’t have a working septic tank for the men’s toilet block—there is only one working toilet and it is not sufficient for twenty-two men. We had supplies and people lined up to come out to help with this project but we learned at the last minute (yesterday) that we simply don’t have enough supplies and there is no way to get enough out there to our remote location before the next workshop. So, since John is rather good at making lemonade out of lemons, he suggested that the team that was behind in translation could come and get caught up. This means that Ben will be able to focus on checking Luke, Acts and 1 Timothy.

So I’ve been processing this news for the last day and a half…I had already started the countdown “this is the last time we will make/eat ice cream for five weeks” and arranged who would pay my yard man while I was gone so that he could still feed his family…

Don’t get me wrong…living in the village is hard for me. I home school three children in three separate curriculums. We don’t have a refrigeration system so we cook everything from scratch every day. I don’t have a house helper like I do here at the training center to help me hang up clothes, take the babies for a walk, or help with the dishes. On the other hand, I was looking forward to being out with the team, especially getting to know a prospective team member Jessie, and I had been creating space in my heart and mind to be out there. Not only this, but I had the Wewak managers buy our village food (20 kgs of flour, 12 kgs of rice, etc.) so what to do with all of that? So it is a disappointment.

On the other hand, there are a few things that are good about us staying at our training center here in Ukarumpa:
 Ben will be able to get loads of exegetical checking done, which is really useful to the team for future workshops. He plans to work full time on that. This week he has been taking a week long typesetting course.
 I will be able to reclaim my house after the Christmas break (I’ll have to find a space to put all the village food: 15 boxes of cereal, for instance!)
 Jenny Beth has been waking up 4-6 times a night. Her pediatrician confirmed that she really should be able to sleep through…so…SLEEP training, something not possible in our village home. I have been sleep deprived for 16 months and it is starting to take its toll on my sanity
 I’ll have time to enjoy my babies while their older siblings are in school. When I am homeschooling the other three in the village, I am usually trying to find ways to keep the babies out of our hair and from eating our pencils/destroying papers, etc.
 I will have time to catch up with my friends, several of whom just arrived back from furlough, yay!
 I will have time to process some ‘Hard Stuff’ from the last few weeks, namely things that have happened to friends here. Sometimes we get so busy it’s easy to let things slide. But they have a way of sneaking up on us when we least expect them.
 I get to finish a couple of books I was going to return to my boss (they are on mentoring and communicating well).
 My older kids are all happy about staying at the center. I am really thankful that God gave me flexible children!
(Most of these benefit me personally but isn’t there a saying “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?”)

Often in transition, the best way for me to cope is to first think about what I’m losing or what I’ve leaving behind…but I cannot live there for too long. It turns into self pity if I let myself stay there. So the next step is to start thinking about what I might gain from the ‘new’ reality. As I mentioned in an earlier posting about transition, it’s all about choosing for me.